


you run on gasoline

by dorktobios



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, klangst, my boyyyy i love youuuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 16:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorktobios/pseuds/dorktobios
Summary: “Me?” He gave a harsh, derisive laugh, something that made pain bloom within his chest. “I’m….nothing. Worthless, I don’t even need to be on the team. Besides with Shiro back, I’m merely in the way, a hindrance.”





	you run on gasoline

_low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline._

He couldn’t sleep, and it wasn’t just a one time thing.

He had tossed and turned so many times now that he couldn’t even be bothered to count, staring right into the darkness of his room. Blue eyes that remained wide open, eyes that, when shut, gave him images of sweet-smelling pancakes and warm smiles from his mother. But that certainly wasn’t the only image.

His team—the team—casting him bitter looks as he messed up a mission. The team, rolling their eyes when he had cracked a joke. The team, deliberately leaving him out in activities and overall having a great time without him, as if he was invisible as a ghost. The team, on the verge of screaming that he was worthless, that he wasn’t even essential in the slightest.

It was utterly terrible. He squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to drown out these horrible thoughts despite their persistent resurfaces. He had tried thinking about his family, his beloved parents who took care of him when he was sick, his siblings whom he would playfully chase around the house (much to his mother’s teasing frowns), and his _abuela_ who told him about the endless stars in the sky, that even though there were so many, they each held a significant value in the solar system.

_Yep, not happening for me here. 0 significant value. Whoop-dee-doo._

But there was a beautiful boy sleeping next to him. He had black hair that grew into a mullet and a very pretty jawline, accompanied by his closed eyelids and light snores. Without a doubt, he was in deep sleep even though he shifted around occasionally. Lance flipped over quietly and admired his boyfriend’s sleeping form—not in a creepy way, he swore—sweeping away the stray wisps of hair that fell into Keith’s eyebrows.

They were so close that he could feel Keith’s warm breath against the expanse of his bare skin. Lance sighed; at least _someone_ was sleeping peacefully.

There wasn’t anyone to accompany Lance throughout his self-loathing thoughts tonight, except for the soft ticking of his clock or the controllers for his console, which were arranged in disarray on the floor. Even the 4-month old plant which he had hung in the top corner of his wall, fluidly growing downwards as the leaves brushed the walls, could barely provide any sort of solace for him.

Lance propped himself up in a sitting position, wincing as the bed shifted beneath him since he was careful not to jolt Keith awake. He contemplated getting up and visiting the observation deck, but he was worried that he would somehow wake the others up and bother them—overthinking as usual. Sighing, he tried to shut his eyes once more.

“Y’know, Keith,” he breathed, having the sudden desire to voice out his thoughts and let everything _out._ “You’re really really amazing. You’ve always been cool, way out of my league. You probably had attracted the girls at the Garrison in one fell swoop. And I had dubbed you as my rival, and you didn’t even know about it.”

“I was jealous, I guess. That _Keith Kogane_ could do everything that Lance couldn’t, and that he was barely putting any effort in, anyway. He didn’t need to, because he was so good—born with natural talent.”

“And now, even though you were forced into this leadership position you still tried your best, and that’s something I admire a lot. You’re the best pilot of our generation...movements fluid and smooth with no mistakes. You, you’re..skilled in battle and you have an unwavering stand.”

“Me?” He gave a harsh, derisive laugh, something that made pain bloom within his chest. “I’m….nothing. Worthless, I don’t even need to be on the team. Besides with Shiro back, I’m merely in the way, a hindrance.”

His heart felt like a bottomless pit. “I mean, even Blue rejected me, my own lion. I loved her y’know? She was lovable and fun, accepted me for who I was….and she shut me out like that. Really not gonna lie but that hurt. A lot.” Hands curled up into fists and tears pricked at his eyes. “Guess I’m not even meant to be a paladin now, huh?”

He hastily wiped at his eyes, scorning the sight of his tears. _How weak._ “I don’t— I don’t have a _thing_ , I don’t have a place on the team. You guys could—” his breathing hitched, and he hated that what he was about to say was true. “Just find a new blue paladin anyway. It wouldn’t even matter if I left.”

“You know that’s not true.”

Lance’s hand recoiled immediately as if it had been burned, only now realising that he had been absentmindedly grabbing onto Keith’s hand. His eyes went wide as Keith’s eyes bore into him, trying to read all of Lance’s secrets. “ _Wha—How long—?_ ”

“Lance,” Keith had a broken look on his face, like the one he wore when he had first found out Shiro was missing. “You’re…. important to the team.”

And suddenly hurt was boiling beneath Lance’s skin. It was like he had heard false compliments all of his life, they weren’t genuine in the slightest and Lance _hated_ it, as if people were just pitying him. Lance couldn’t help it; he scoffed internally. _What a bunch of fake lies._ He turned so he was facing away from Keith, his feet touching the carpeted floor before he stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m going to the observation deck.”

_“Lance.”_

His expression was firm as he countered back, “Keith, I’m not in the mood for your _shit_ —”

Something within Keith snapped, his eyes blazing with fury. _“How could you even think that way about yourself!?”_

It was the pained voice, laced with a mix of disbelief and passion, that shook Lance to his core. The air had stilled and Lance’s eyes went wide, the room engulfed in pin-drop silence. He took shallow breaths as his heart beat wildly in his ears. Hands slowly unfurling, he let them hang loose outside of his pockets, his back still turned on Keith. He didn’t even want to look at Keith’s expression—was it anger? Betrayal?

And before he had time to think, a hand reached out a forcefully turned his shoulder around.

The sight he was met with wasn’t pleasant. Keith, who had this shattered and pleading look, something that didn’t suit the normally brooding boy at all. His eyebrows were knitted with concern, and even his lower lip was trembling slightly. “Please….don’t ever think like that ever again.”

He continued, “You’re _not_ worthless. In fact, if you left this entire team would be thrown off balance; it wouldn’t be the same. We would be frantic and scrambling because the person that had always kept us grounded, finally flew away. We would crave your jokes, something that cheered us up during missions, because we wouldn’t know how much we missed them until they were gone. We….we would be devastated because my— _our_ sharpshooter completely vanished without a trace… and I already hate to imagine it.”

Lance could already feel the tears staining his cheeks before a sudden wave of anger washed over him. “ _You don’t understand_ what it’s like to feel unwanted, to be an outcast of the team. You— _don’t_ understand what it feels like to lack skill in almost everything, to try your hardest but still not produce results.” Malice dripped from his sentences. “How it feels like to have your heart ripped out every single time you fail the team— because _you_ don’t fail at anything—”

Guilt hit him like a speeding train. Lance’s breath caught in his throat when he realised the meaning behind his words that tumbled out of his mouth. Keith didn’t have a family, he was abandoned by his mom and spent his time in that pathetic shack lost in the desert. Shiro had disappeared and he was all alone, with nobody to spill his secrets to. No abuela for him to sit on her lap. And he wasn’t a _god_ like what Lance was making him to be; he had flaws, he was impulsive and brash, a teenage boy just like everybody else.

How could he say that shit about Keith?

Keith’s arms slowly wrapped around Lance’s waist, pulling him closer so that Lance’s head dropped onto his shoulder. “I’m sorry—” the words were choked, his tears staining Keith’s shirt.

“I—” He tried once more, but the dam had been shattered and tears were flowing freely.

“It’s okay, I get it.” Keith smiled understandingly and Lance was so appreciative of the boy in front of him that his heart could burst. Their relationship had bloomed since they had first gotten together; they were more in tune with each other and able to understand the other at a deeper level, a stark contrast to their petty ‘rivalry’ in the beginning, even though the current relationship still involved loads of teasing. “I love you,” he whispered in the most sincere voice, only for Lance to hear. “ _We_ love you.”

And as they stood there like that, Lance believed it.


End file.
